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Woman of the Week: Mother Earth (An Interview With the Queen Herself)

That’s right. It was a tough interview to score, but interviewers Devin Longfellow and Anja Jerkovic got a chance to sit with the woman on everyone’s mind, at least on Earth Day (that’s a problem, btw), MOTHER EARTH. It wasn’t hard to nominate her as our Woman crush Wednesday or Woman of the Week. She’s kind of the reason we exist. Read on to hear about her favorite books, parts of herself and rumors about her relationship with the sun.

1. First question: So, are you a boy or a girl?

Why are you asking? So you can put me in a box? Just joking. But seriously, people have been in heated debates over this one to which I say, “who cares” and also, “please, no more heat”. I get how I’m mostly made of water which is LIFE GIVING (obvs) but this bullshit about how I’m “all nurturing” which, therefore makes me feminine is a joke (see: volcano). Listen, just because I’ve created all living things doesn’t make me a woman, because not every woman decides to reproduce. So, for now, I’m just sweet and also furious ol’ EARTH.

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2. Does God exist?

I’m sorry, Who? Can we make this about me for one second without bringing in g-o-d? I’m still trying to figure that one out for myself. And if there is a god maybe they could use their overseeing powers to “oversee” that litter pile the size of Texas in my bladder, that’d be GREAT. I could really use a little help in that department.

3. Some people speculate on your relationship with the Sun. Care to comment?

A: Well first off, sun is SO hot. Like, TOO hot. Too hot for me at least (see: global warming).  Our relationship had a great start- literally. It started a lot of things. I definitely wouldn’t be who I am without it. But somewhere along the way, call it “the end of the honeymoon” period, I don’t know, it just started wearing on me. It happens in every relationship I guess. A lot of humans started worshipping this star and I got a little bit tired of always orbiting around IT, ya know? I try not to get too attached because a psychic once told me it WILL end up burning me up in 35730247032840 years.

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Barry One Energy

4. And what about the Moon?

Oh, moon. It’s definitely nice to be orbited for once (see above frustrations with sun). I feel like the middle child at times, always hangin’ in space between the two of them. Let me tell you, eclipses can get a little bit awkward. The moon is great at regulating my tides and I really feel like it helps me through the ebbs and flows of my day to day existence. Sometimes, though, that thing can wreak havoc on my waters. Many apologies to all those affected, especially menstruating women everywhere.

5. What do you think about John Mayer’s “Waiting on the World to Change?”

Well at first I thought, “I AIN’T CHANGIN! It’s time for PEOPLE TO CHANGE!” And then I really took a moment to listen to the lyrics. It was hard at first because so many people at Dolores Park were playing it at the same time, but once the song lost its popularity, I could single out the lyrics. I realized that it really was a stronger message- that it spoke to the fact that everyone was just waiting for me to change when in reality, everyone BUT me needed to change.

Devin and Anja

Devin and Anja

Though not biologically related, Devin and Anja are pretty sure they lived as sister Koalas in a past life. Most known for their appearance in PDHS's 2007 & 2008 yearbook under, "Best Sense of Humor" Devin and Anja are still riding out the wave of high school voters affirming their comedic value. When they aren't wishing they were eating buffalo wings since turning vegetarian, they're probably googling all the ways to make buffalo wings vegetarian.

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