Why My Sexting Relationship Is Empowering

I didn’t understand the appeal of sexting until I met him. I’ve never been one for dirty talk. Some may call me a prude. Even in my most intimate relationships, I liked to do things quietly, without much fanfare. I don’t like porn. I don’t like watching people kiss on TV if they’re not in love (but I really like watching it if they are). Somehow the image makes me feel all icky inside like I’m witnessing desperation, people taking advantage of each other, or just plain “sex for the sake of sex.”

My next-door neighbor and I began texting after he left his number on my door with a request to let him know if his guitar practice ever got too loud. I still have never even heard it, but his note somehow propelled us into a sexting zone that has lasted for the past few months. Sure, we see each other in person too. Mostly sharing intimate glances as we pass each other in the hall, or running into each other on the street as we come and go from our various errands. We even went to coffee once, which resulted in great conversation that lasted well past its initial cutoff time. However, what really seems to bond us is the sexting.


Perhaps what makes it different is what it’s cloaked around. He uses complete sentences and even knows how to use semi-colons correctly. His sexts are never filled solely with “come hither” talk, but are always sandwiched in between real conversation. We talk about everything: our families, our political views, our personal interests. He watched my cat while I was gone and sent me video set to music of him petting my cat. Not his face, just his hand. And as a fiercely protective cat lover, the care that he showed my skittish companion escalated our sexting even further.

But it’s not just that we talk about other things besides our attraction for one another. It’s also that he respects my boundaries enough to tread lightly until he knows I’m on board. He says respectful things about my body that make me both proud of it and excited that he sees what I see. He views me as a whole person. He compliments my intelligence. He buys me soda and leaves it in front of my door. He never texts, he says, but somehow he likes texting with me. He fits me in between studio work that takes him all over the city at all hours of the day and night.

Most guys would have tried to sleep with me by now. The fact that he hasn’t tried makes the sexting even more safe and fun. Sure, sometime it would be nice to take our intimacy to the next level… To experience in the bedroom what we experience through the safe confines of our cellular devices. But I’m in no rush. Instead I go about my empowered life, doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it, always knowing that there is someone just next door who thinks I’m beautiful and isn’t afraid to tell me.

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