Sometimes it just does not work out. We can’t help it and can’t avoid it either. Each time we meet someone new, the honeymoon stage takes full effect and we are head over heels. Then, the oxytocin wears off and we face reality. Most times, reality includes flaws we never noticed or habits we discovered don’t mesh with ours. You probably never realized how loud and sloppy he chews his food, or how he never asks you about your day until it’s practically time to sleep. Relationships include compromising and working as a team, but sometimes we come to the conclusion the team is not worth it or not meant for you. If it becomes too much, we have to take certain measures to move forward, and break up. There are certain steps to take before you call it quits.
1. Be Honest with Yourself
You have to be able to know what you like and do not like and stick with it! Compromise is great and all, but you should not bargain your happiness either. We all know what is important to us and should not undermine ours for the sake of someone else’s feelings. As long as you are secure with yourself, you will not have a hard time listening to your mind and heart and doing the right thing.[sc:shn-ad3]
2. Space Can Help
Taking time away from a person can make things a tad bit clearer. They will not be in your face constantly, reminding you what’s wrong. You never know, you may even miss that person and begin to realize the problems were minuscule. If you keep busy, you may catch yourself idly thinking about the situation and coming to better conclusions. When we think so hard, we tend to begin overanalyzing and making up things in our head that were never there to begin with. This hinders the process, so it is best to relax, unwind and the answers will arrive without you thinking twice.
3. Second Guessing is Poison
This stems from being honest with yourself. Once you make a decision, stick with it. If you flip flop between options, you will be stagnant and hang on the cliff of What If. It isn’t too great for your mind, and keeps the other person in a limbo. If you aren’t sure what step to take, talk it out with the person or someone else. Trying to make someone else understand actually helps you understand yourself. If you always look back, you may miss what is in front of you. But on the other hand, spend time alone to make sure you are making the right decisions. Hearing five or seven opinions can confuse you, and make the process even harder.
4. Do Not Drag it Out
It is really hard to part ways and not linger in the doorway. Whether it is you or the other person who is not ready to turn the lock, it is best to treat a breakup like a Band-Aid: the sting will hurt, but it will be quick. You will save yourself and the other person a lot of time when you cut to the chase about what is going on. Dragging it out means waiting days to pick up the phone, avoiding a chance to hang out, or simply just not talking about it and sweeping it under the rug. These things do not make the process any easier. In fact, it does more harm than good. Get it over with!
5. Do it in Person
Yes, this has to be the absolutely worst idea in the entire universe, but it is true! Before cell phones came along, people had to meet up regardless to let someone know it was over. Or you bumped into them with a new boo and had to take the hint. Now, everyone hides behind cell phones, emails or Facebook statuses and use that to convey a message. It is best to take time out your day, meet up over coffee, and let them know how you feel and how serious you are about ending the relationship. We don’t want to see a person’s eyes fill up with misery, but could you imagine saying it via text and the wrong interpretation causes you to meet up anyway? Like I said earlier, this can be treated like a Band-Aid: quick and to the point.[sc:shn-ad3]
6. Clock Out of the Pity Party
I have learned you are respected more if the pity is left at the doorstep. You can only feel so bad for someone but for so long. This goes for feeling bad for yourself, too. Life happens. We are bound to hurt or be hurt by others. Sulking and wishing you hadn’t wronged someone will not change the verdict of the game and it will not change why you are initially in this position. If you focus so much on how you hurt this person’s feelings, you will end up hurting yourself even more. I always tell someone, “don’t worry about my feelings, I will be okay, just do what you gotta do.” Yes, when we really care, we want so badly to end a situation without spilling rejection all over the table, but being realistic and knowing these things happen makes it simpler.
Lastly, get some ice cream, watch a comedy and move on! Letting go or breaking up is very hard to do. Personally, I struggle with letting go and it is an every day battle I am winning slowly but sure. It reveals to us how much we really care about a person (or how much we don’t). It does not mean we have to be sloppy about the process. Maturity plays a role: reveal the problems, think about where they leave you, and decide your next step. We can’t suppress our happiness for another person if it is not being reciprocated. Companionships involve two people who want to be on the same page. If you feel yourself disconnecting or checking out, the least you could do is let them know so no one’s time is wasted.