No matter what greeting card companies or Target advertisements tell you, autumn isn’t about the holidays, the leaves changing colors, sweater weather, or football. It’s all about the thirst – the mind-numbing, heart-stopping, gut-wrenching thirst for pumpkin/apple/cinnamon flavored drinks. This list is here to help you quench that thirst. I’m sticking with strictly alcoholic drinks, because Lord knows I’m too young for decaf.
Pumpkin Spice White Russian
Yes, this drink exists. Would The Dude like it? That I can’t answer, but I know if you have a soul, you will.
Apple Cider Mimosa
Good morning. It’s your destiny calling, but you can call me apple cider mimosa.
Caramel Apple Martini
The name is Bond, Just-cried-a-little-this-drink-is-so-good Bond.
It’s almost as good as the cereal that cannibalizes each other.
Bourbon Hot Toddy
I’m fairly certain Usher wrote a song about this drink. Yep – just googled it. Listen to it as you drink.
Cranberry and Cinnamon Whiskey Sour
Get your straw ready. This stuff goes down easy.
Pretend you’re in Game of Thrones, drinking a mulled wine and waiting for winter to come. Don’t lie, you’re the Tyrion of your friends.
Bourbon Maple Apple Cider
Pat yourself on the back. It’s not easy to be this drunk.
Apple Pumpkin Beer Cocktail
Beer you say? Beer is good.
Who said you have to make it yourself?
Remember, enjoy your drinks often but semi-responsibly. If this list doesn’t quench your thirst, you are beyond saving. Consider getting a pumpkin-spiced IV drip.